The Beauty of Positivity That Doesn’t Bypass Your Pain: How to Cultivate Healing Energy After Betrayal

The Problem with "Just Be Positive"

If you’ve ever heard the phrase “Just be positive” and felt your blood boil—you’re not alone.

For many who have experienced betrayal trauma or deep emotional pain, the idea of simply “focusing on the good” can feel invalidating, even harmful. It ignores the real grief, confusion, and anger you carry. It rushes you toward healing without honoring the hard parts.

Let’s get something clear: This is not that kind of positivity.

There’s a different kind of positivity available to you—one that doesn’t erase your pain but rises alongside it. One that honors your story and empowers your future.

Honoring Pain Without Getting Stuck in It

If you’ve been betrayed, you know the emotional toll it takes. Betrayal trauma impacts every part of your being—your mind, body, and soul. Grieving, feeling anger, and honoring the hurt are essential parts of the healing process.

But here’s another truth: Staying stuck in betrayal—replaying the betrayal, living in victimhood—can quietly drain your energy. It can limit your decisions, isolate you, and tether you emotionally to the very experience you want to heal from.

Healing requires forward-moving energy—the kind rooted in agency, authenticity, and grounded hope.
Not because you’re ignoring what happened. But because you’ve faced it—and now you’re ready to move through it.

What Is Higher-Level (Anabolic) Energy?

In my work, I often refer to anabolic energy—a higher-level energy that's tangible. It’s the energy of:

• Possibility

• Growth

• Self-trust

• Empowerment

You can feel this energy when you’re connected to hope.
You can see it in your decisions when you believe you deserve more.
You live it when you align with your wise self—not just the parts of you that have been hurt.

This energy doesn't erase your trauma. It honors it—and chooses expansion anyway.

4 Ways to Access Healing, Authentic Positivity Today

Here are four simple but powerful practices you can use right now to raise your energetic baseline—without bypassing your real emotions:

1. Ask Yourself: “What Would Secure Me Do?”

Instead of letting fear or past pain dictate your next move, pause and ask:
“What would my secure, empowered self choose here?”

This instantly calls in your higher self and reminds you that you have agency—right now.

2. Move Your Body with Intention

Trauma gets stuck in the body. Movement helps you unstick it.
Go for a walk, dance to your favorite song, stretch with mindful breath.
Movement tells your nervous system: We’re safe. We can move forward.

3. Name One Thing That Gives You Hope

Hope fuels higher-level energy. It could be a dream you're still holding, a tiny step of progress you made, or even the way sunlight hits your kitchen window.
Hope is a spark. Nourish it.

4. Visualize Your Future Self for 30 Seconds

Close your eyes and see your future self—not the one who "moved on" but the one who moved through.
She’s not waiting for validation. She’s already choosing herself, building a life rooted in strength, trust, and joy.

When you practice these simple habits, you’re not denying your pain—you’re leading it toward healing.

Healing Is an Inside Job: Start Dating Yourself First

If you’re ready to deepen this work in a safe, encouraging space, I’d love to invite you to my Dating From Within Workshop.

This isn’t about “getting back out there.”
It’s about learning to trust yourself again.
It’s about dating yourself first—treating yourself with the respect, love, and care you deserve.

When you raise your energetic baseline, you don’t just heal—you raise your standards for what you will allow into your life moving forward.

Final Thoughts: You Are the Creator of Your Life

Positivity that ignores pain is toxic.
But positivity that rises alongside your pain—that honors your story and still chooses growth—that’s powerful.

You are not broken. You are becoming.
You are the creator of your life, and you get to create a life you love—because you can.

Let’s start today.
Let’s rise.

With love and belief in your healing,
XO,
Amie

💖 Additional Healing Resources

• Believing In You Coaching Membership – Ongoing coaching for betrayal trauma recovery

• Should I Stay or Go – Self-Paced Course – For women navigating hard relationship decisions

• Intimacy Within – Self-Paced Course – Rebuilding connection after betrayal

• Divorce Q&A – Free Monthly Session – Live support for women navigating separation and healing

• Dating From Within Program – Healing before reentering relationships

• Abuse Recovery Coaching – Personalized support for reclaiming your life